Monday, April 2, 2012

Chasing Squirrels and Waterfalls

Conversation my dog and I had in my head after he sheepishly noticed me watching him pee:

Jake: Not cool, Mom. I'd appreciate you turning away next time.

Me: Whatever, you watch me pee all the time.

Jake: Not intentionally.

Me: So sleeping in the room dedicated to expelling waste is not your choice?

Jake: Look, I like a nice cold floor; it reminds me of my youth. Besides, aren't you supposed to be the civilized one? You could stand to give a dog a heads-up every once in a while. I mean, sometimes you don't even turn the light on.

Me: Turning the light on in the middle of the night guarantees -- you know what? I pay the bills around here and I'll pee how I want to.

Jake: Well, if unrestricted urination is the route to alpha status, it's game on, Sista'. Now if you'll excuse me, I have some garbage to eat.

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