Dogs and Birth Control

I always knew I'd never want more than one kid and felt a great relief every time M reached a new milestone. I celebrated the little victories in my mind, 'I'll never have to buy jars of baby food again', 'I'll never have to pretend there's a Santa again', et cetera, et cetera. I really haven't missed any of those times, although I enjoyed them while they were here, knowing that they would go by quickly. Now that she's school-aged and fun to talk to and play with, getting a unique sense of humor and really learning her place in the world, I'm enjoying it even more because I know the next stage is 'I hate you, but can you drive me to my friend's house and then both of us to the mall and then pick us up in two hours? Oh, and I need $50. '

I come from a family of five children and was sort of over the big family thing. Plus, three of those children were younger than I am, so I feel I did my share of mothering over the years. I also felt that M was such a good kid (although a very fussy baby) that any other kid would just be a disappointment. I wasn't secretly wishing for a boy, or a girl whose favorite color was green; I was happy with the half mini-me, half mini-jeff I was lucky enough to get. Plus, after my undrugged natural childbirth experience, I sort of promised myself I would never do that again. I truly have an awesome respect for women who can, but I know I would spend that nine months in an anxiety-attack filled haze, trying to deny the inevitable ending. Although I really enjoyed the wonders of pregnancy, and I truly missed them once it was over (the feeling of something growing and moving inside of me, the wonderful way foods had so much flavor) , I really didn't like the fact that there was no way out of it besides that beautiful life ripping its way out.

But ever since M got our dog Roland for her fourth birthday, I had this plan to get a new dog every five years. That way, I'd never be without a dog. Oh, what a genius I am! Why aren't all canine lovers as smart as me? Without doing any research or planning, M and I came home from a routine visit to a pet store with a five-month old puppy. Immediately Roland hated Jake. Since then, toleration is about as good as it gets. Jake's life consists mostly of finding new ways of ruining Roland's, making sure he has not a moment of peace or satisfaction. While they do unite during territory breaches from alien dogs and they occasionally forget their hatred in the excitement of car trips to the doggy park, I know their innocent-looking, leg-flailing slumber consists solely of dogicidal plots against the other.

It's weird how completely different my relationship is with both dogs compared to when I just had one. Jake will never be the center of attention that Roland once was. Not to mention that you forget, after you have a trained dog, that they don't all just come that way. I have to steal moments away from Jake to give Roland some doggy-love without Jake butting his way into the mix, forcing Roland to retreat. And when I give Jake affection in front of Roland, he looks at me like he just watched me strangle his doggy-mom (which, coincidentally, I threaten to go back in time and do to Jake's mother frequently.) I feel guilty when I can't protect Roland from the craziness of Jake, seeing as he never asked for a twerpy, abusive little brother. Worst of all, it makes me think of how one day Roland will no longer be with us and Jake will, and that's irritating because Roland is a far superior dog. Jake is learning, but he's really not very interested in doing what humans want; he's more interested in doing what Roland doesn't want.

And just recently I realized this must happen to families when they have another kid. I mean, we all know that every parent loves their kids equally, [insert other such bullshit here], but there's no mistaking that there are a limited number of hours in the day. There's a reason that the once-only child will, a lot of times, act out once their little brother or sister is born. It absolutely has to shake the foundation of that bond, especially when you're bringing home a baby that needs so much attention that it turns both parents into walking zombies for months. How could a kid not feel a little pushed aside? I'm sure that there are just as many positives to having a sibling as well; having a playmate you get to boss around, getting an ego boost while helping them learn the things you've already mastered. But I think I would really mourn the connection I have with M now if I had another kid. There's no way it would ever be the same.

So I guess what I'm saying is that my brilliant plan to live dog-full forever has only reinforced my decision to have only one child, while comically forcing me to live on the other side of that decision as well. I wonder if any parents ever think this after Number Two is born, but love Number Two so much, they refuse to admit it to themselves or others. Being that he's a dog, I can say that, if I had it all to do over again, I probably wouldn't have brought Jake home. My intentions were good, though: I thought Roland would love a playmate, and envisioned walking down the street like one of those cool multi-dog owners, all in control of my pack. Turns out, I just have to take twice as many single-dog walks and half of them are spent apologizing to pedestrians and homeowners.

So anyways, grandkids, grand-dogs, whoever is still listening, the moral of this story is: don't ever get a dog from a pet store. Those dogs are effing crazy and will ruin your life. Or maybe it's more something like -- what is that saying again? "Plans are worthless. Planning is invaluable."
The rare times when life lets you follow through on a plan, it's not always what you envisioned.

Religion & Politics

Okay, kiddos, now's the time to just get it all out in the open. Since we're family, I feel I can talk to you about my true views on the important things of life that we all spend so much effort trying to avoid talking about in public.

First off, religion. I don't believe there is a god. I don't have anything against people who do; I think we all tell ourselves things that aren't true every day just to get through it. Denial is possibly human's true best friend. (Sorry, canines, you're a close second). If you become a better person by believing in a book and joining your community in prayer, more power to you.

I believe in Good and Evil in the same way I believe in matter and antimatter; there will always be both, and they'll always be fighting against each other. I believe in the forces of nature and human nature. I believe in humor. I believe in evolution. I believe evolution, ironically enough, created god. People that believe in god have hope and an appreciation for life; it would make sense that these people would have a greater chance of surviving and pass their beliefs on.

If we look throughout history, the stories really haven't changed that much. Some of the stories of the bible are stories that have been adapted from the time that we were sacrificing virgins to the sun. Some of the same stories, and a lot of the same ideas, are shared across the different religions. It's obvious that the authors of these stories truly had knowledge about human nature, and we would be foolish not to embrace the lessons they have left for us, whilst navigating the highs and lows of life.

But I just have a hard time buying that people were chosen by an all-powerful being to have an afterlife, and to be taught lessons through horrible experiences that are all really just tests to see if we truly are worthy. It doesn't make sense. If a horrible person raises a child in an unspeakable environment, where the child has no chance of being a decent person, does that child go to hell? Do the parents? Or is it their parents' faults?

I won't even get into what it means for the insane.

Beyond all this are the people and organizations who have hijacked the worlds' religions for their own agendas. It's nearly impossible anymore to have a political discussion without religion coming into the mix. Because somewhere along the way, in this country and others, powerful people realized that the blind faith of religious followers could be manipulated to their advantage. Our world has been held hostage by 'religious' wars that are more about money and control than they are about gods. Somehow Fox News convinces the poor and easily-frightened that what's good for them is what's good for big business, and anyone who tells them otherwise is just a terrorist trying to take down their religion and/or country.

Religion is still being used throughout the world to keep women submissive. Do Catholic women in America just roll their eyes while the pope continues to support the notion that ovaries make a person unable to be a spiritual leader? And we've got it easy compared to the rest of the world.

So now, instead of it being a crutch for people to lean on in their times of need and a place to be accepted, religion has become a force of intolerance and exclusivity. Instead of Christians judging not lest they be judge, they're donating their family's nest eggs or their children's college funds to keep gays from getting married. Instead of 'hurting no one so that no one may hurt you' Muslims are strapping bombs to themselves and blowing up random strangers that happen to be at the wrong place at the wrong time.

It angers me that this happens and saddens me that the rest of us have allowed it to.

I'm sorry if anyone is offended by my disbelief. Actually, strike that, I'm not. If you're offended by someone else's personal beliefs, which have absolutely no effect on your life, then you need to grow up or go to therapy. My thoughts can't hurt you. Do I picket your church? No. Do I smile and say thank you, when you tell me god loves me or to have a blessed day? Yes. Because I know that your life has been shaped by events and people and tragedies and fears, just like everyone else's, and they have led you to where you are, just as my journey has led me here. I don't think there are many people out there that aren't striving to be better in some little way, and I won't smite someone for doing that in a different way than I do. I also will not apologize for looking for my own peace in my own way.

All right. I'll get off my high horse in a minute. But grandkids, it's important to know what you believe in and surround yourself with people who support you, even if they don't always agree with you. Oh, and bonus points if they can cook.